Snow and Surrender

We are on day 10 of snow/ice and “No School.”  Last week I wrote a blog post about being filled with the fruits of the spirit, found in the book of Galatians, and cherishing these days….snow daze.  That was before I knew that Knox County schools would be out for another week.  Oh, I’m kidding.  It is easier said than done, though.  I am definitely getting a dose of what it is like to be a homeschooling mom.  On several occasions it has been confirmed for me that homeschooling is just not the path for all of us:  the kids and me alike.  Case in point:  yesterday I printed out some math worksheets and after tears and struggles and frustrations, my daughter looked at me and said, “I want somebody else to teach me.”  My response was, “Well, darlin’, since you have been out of school for almost two weeks now, I’m the only teacher you have.”  In total transparency there has been a lot more play than work going on for the past two weeks.  I will be ready to get back into a routine next week…and I’m pretty sure my kids will enjoy the routine as well.

Somebody around here has been learning lessons, however, and getting “schooled” in the matter of surrender.  You see, the snow has been such a reminder of what surrendering to God really and truly looks like.

The snow reminds me that I’m not in control.  I cannot drive up to God’s drive-thru and order up sunshine and pleasant temperatures.  I cannot call up the school superintendent and explain to him my to-do list and how being out of school has put me behind.  No, I just cannot do that.  It is out of my hands.  The bigger question becomes:  Why would I?  His plans are perfect.  He is omniscient and omnipotent.  He is the teacher here, and I am the student.

The snow reminds me that I am selfish.  So many times this week I have yearned for “me” time.  I just want to be able to sit down and read a book without getting interrupted.  I just want to load the dishwasher without my youngest pulling the dirty dishes back out.  I just want to watch an adult show and not another show that has an animated animal in it.  The snow has reminded me, however, that I have these three blessings for a very short time (like the snow in East TN, here today and gone tomorrow).  Yes, it is important to do laundry and dishes and the list could go on, but it is even more important to spend time investing in these little people that God has loaned to me, especially in this moment.  While I have no idea what the weather will look like a year from now, there is always the chance that there won’t be any snow days next year.  Heck, there has been more snow in East Tennessee in the last two years than in the eight before that.

This morning on Facebook I saw a photograph that really choked me up.  I stared out the window and blinked back tears that were begging to be released because of reading the words some people created on a sidewalk outside of East Tennessee Children’s Hospital:  Feel Better.  What a dose of reality, folks.  I have a child who was in the NICU at Children’s two and a half years ago, so I know what it is like to visit your sick child who is living in a hospital.  That baby is healthy now, and so are my other two children who were also born premature.  While so many sick children were lying in beds at the hospital I was irritated that I couldn’t finish my coffee and watch the Today Show because my kids needed me.  One child was running around in a diaper, and the other two kids were begging me to come outside and build a snowman with them.  I obliged, and it was so much fun.  Please don’t hear me incorrectly on this.  We all need our time, those moments where we can be alone and decompress (last night for me, thanks to a wonderful husband), but I have been learning the bigger picture.

Selfishness is connected to surrender.  Until we put aside ourselves and our agendas, surrendering will not happen  We must completely step aside to let God enter.  There is freedom in surrendering.  It’s acknowledging that we know that we are not enough, and that can be a relief.  It’s trusting the bigger plan.  That plan may include an unexpected two-week break from school, and that is okay.  Sometimes those moments where my Jesus slows me down (ie. Snow days, my illness, my child’s illness, etc.) are the moments where he becomes bigger, and I become smaller.

I don’t know why I am always learning this.  One would think that after 35 years, it would sink in, but I believe that surrender is a daily process.  Every day when we wake up we can choose to go our own way or surrender to the One who knows our way.  It isn’t easy, but there is beauty in the process.

There may be sibling quarrels (the first was at 7 a.m.), and there might be complaining about what we’ll eat for lunch, but I am going to trust Jesus on this one.  I may not fully understand why the kids have been out of school every day for the past two weeks, but I am going to bank on the fact that it’s part of the bigger plan.  I will fly my white flag of surrender.  Perhaps I’ll even trace one out in the snow.

ALL TO JESUS I SURRENDER
ALL TO HIM I FREELY GIVE
I WILL EVER LOVE AND TRUST HIM
IN HIS PRESENCE DAILY LIVE.

lyrics from I Surrender All, found on lyricsbay.com

Snow Daze

No, I didn’t misspell the word, “days.” I looked up the word, “daze,” in the online dictionary, and it said, “to stun or stupefy with a blow, shock, etc.” (dictionary.com). It also means, “overwhelm.” Well, isn’t that fitting in many ways for what snow days can be for the mother who is not used to being with her children ALL.DAY.LONG? Let me go ahead and say that I LOVE my children. Repeat: I love my children. It was fun. It was games. It was all fun and games the first half of the week. Then I got the message that our county schools would be closed THE REST OF THE WEEK. Okay, breathe.

So today has felt like that day when your spouse goes back to work after you have had a baby. I wanted to yell out to Greg, “Don’t leave me,” this morning. He has been home the last couple days due to the weather, and his presence was a great thing. He was such a helper. I even got to take a shower at 1 p.m. while he watched the kids. Today he returned to work.

All was well this morning: waffles, Sesame Street, sledding, and hot cocoa. This afternoon was when the wheels came off, and there was attitude and disrespect and disobedience. My oldest pushed my buttons, and that resulted in a big fat time-out, which then led to the taking away of privileges (which might hurt me more than him…i.e. no video games for the next one and a half days). Guess who is asleep now? Somebody was tired.

You see, snow days are a bit like heading into battle. You have to have a plan and have your weapons ready. Homeschooling moms do this every day. I don’t know how, but they do. I have many friends who do homeschool and/or participate in co-ops. They are a special people. I have a new appreciation for them every time there is a snow day. In my battle analogy they are warriors, like Braveheart. I will admit that I am not. God wires us all differently. He has helped me to know my limits as well as my children’s limits. Somebody else teaches them between 7:45-2:45. It works.

Snow happens…and ice. So here is my plan for the next couple days: to ooze with the fruits of the spirit. I’m really going to focus on Galatians 5:22-23. I want to LOVE my children through putting away my selfishness. I want to find JOY in the little things, like sledding down a hill. I want to experience PEACE by teaching them to get along, even when it is hard. I want to be PATIENT when my children push my buttons at the breakfast table (coffee will help). I want to be KIND and GOOD when they ask me to color with them or play a board game. I want to be GENTLE and SELF-CONTROLLED when they need to be disciplined. Finally, I want to be a FAITHFUL mother. My weapon: prayer….unceasingly.

In the grand scheme of things I only get these kids for a very short amount of time. I want to cherish these times…even snow days. It might take an attitude adjustment, but I am willing.

Now excuse me while I layer on my clothes, grab my gloves, and pull on my boots. My laundry and dishes might be piled high. My room might be a wreck. My book might be unread (it’s been months now).

BUT….

This mom has some sledding to do.

Once I Became a Mom, These Things Were Never the Same:

1) A Hot Meal
Dinnertime is an hour, give or take, of total stress and pandemonium and dying to oneself. There’s the preparing to cook, the cooking, the setting the table, the cooking, the gathering of your family, preparing the plates, preparing the drinks, microwaving a side dish (again) because it is too cold, and blessing the food. But don’t be fooled into thinking your job is done. It is not. Just when you are about to sit down and dig into a meal that you have labored over in love, your child asks for ketchup or your husband doesn’t have a drink or you need to crate the dog because he cannot handle the aroma or excitement and his barking pierces your ear. In between completing the above tasks you are opening and closing the microwave door to warm up your own plate, which has become lukewarm…and that just won’t do. Needless to say, I am the last one sitting (or standing) at the dinner table most nights. This topic might just need it’s own blog post.

2) My Bladder
This tiny organ now has a big problem. After being pregnant and birthing three children it has been stretched out like silly putty and incredibly weakened. Yes, there are measures a woman might take to strengthen said organ. This is true. Surgery is the worst-case scenario, and I had a friend who indeed had to surrender to it. I, however, will continue to drink cups of coffee, Jazzercise, and run to the bathroom during a particularly bouncy routine.

3) Sleep
If you are a mother, do you remember the last time you slept eight hours…without interruption? Do you remember that kind of sleep where you wake up, mainly because the sun is streaming into the room, and your stomach is growling for breakfast? Yeah, me neither. I know that once upon a time I slept like that. I have a two-year-old, who might be the worst sleeper of my three children. He is a light sleeper who still sucks on a pacifier around the clock. There are many nights where I wake up, like a robot, grab a paci from my stash on the dresser, walk into his room, find his mouth, and pop it in. This might sound crazy to some, but I do what I have to do to get back to bed. My oldest two are great sleepers now, but I do find it incredibly ironic that during the week I have to physically drag my oldest child out of his bed and sometimes dress him. On the weekend mornings, he is physically dragging me out of bed. Isn’t it ironic?

4) Date Night
Pre-kids we dated for hours on end, and conversation involved work, career, dreams, scheduling the next date, etc. Heck, I remember a time when we would lie down to go to bed, decide we were hungry, get back up, and order pizza…because we could. Post-kids our dates are a couple hours because the babysitter is on the clock. Also, our conversation might hit on work or a funny story we read in our Facebook newsfeed, but it always comes back to our kids…their education, their activities, their health, and their spiritual development. It’s funny that we go out and hire a sitter to get away from our kids, yet they dominate our conversation.

5) Car Rides
I have always been a multi-tasker, but I took my multi-tasking up a notch once I had a child. Driving with an unhappy newborn screaming behind you demands a hand on the wheel and a hand searching for a pacifier, a blanket, a snack, etc. Then there’s the DVD player. That extra hand has also been known to fling back DVDs like frisbees to my oldest two….ahem, always at a stoplight….of course.

6) Road Trips/Traveling
You just need to read my “Business Trips” blog post from January for this one.

7) Shopping
I go to great lengths to enter stores, be it a grocery store or department store, sans children. It seems like I spend more money or forget items (even if I have a list!) when children are in tow. Shopping at Dillard’s or Target before children was a pleasant and carefree experience. I just avoid those places if I have children with me now. Sometimes, however, I take one child, and it isn’t so bad. I do think that my husband likes when I take kids with me shopping…more focused, less money.

8) Hair
Before having children I took my time in the bathroom getting ready. Blow dryer? Check. Curling iron? Check. Flat iron? Check. Velcro rollers? Check. Today folks, you will see me sporting a lot of ponytails. If I have not had time to do my clean hair or I haven’t showered and have dirty hair, you’ll find me wearing some fun knit hats. I do look forward, however, to those times when I get to go out and therefore make time to use my flat iron or rollers.

9) Bank Account
I probably don’t need to explain this one. I will say that I have found this to be true: During those times in my life when I have had money, I have not had time. When I have had the time, I have not had the money.

10) My Heart
When I married my husband I thought that there was no way I could love anyone else as much as him. Then I had children. He’s still my number one, and sometimes in the chaos, I have to remember it was the two of us before the five of us. Remember how the Grinch’s heart grew three times bigger once he learned the true meaning of Christmas? That was my heart after the birth of each of my children. It grew bigger and bigger. I left a job and career to stay at home with these blessings. While there are some really challenging days (like today), the rewards of being their mother outweigh those challenges. My heart has never been the same since I was promoted to the title, mother.